Learning to win and lose (a disclosure: I hate to lose)

May 20, 2013 at 2:02 pm · Filed under Little Leaguer, Surly Teen ·Tagged , , , , ,

After watching my young sons lose yet another lacrosse game, I worried that they were not going to be too enthusiastic about the upcoming summer season. But I was wrong. Thanks to a good coach and healthy attitudes, they were able to celebrate the fact that they’ve improved greatly as a team, even if the win-loss record doesn’t reflect it.

Maybe I was projecting because I hate to lose. I can’t even let my kids win in Scrabble. I’ll happily beat them by 200 points and sleep soundly after I do. Not a nurturing attitude, is it?

It’s sometimes hard to shake the feeling that winning isn’t everything, but people who must win at all costs sometimes do dumb things – cheat, bend ethical guidelines, hurt others. I can honestly say I’ve never stooped that low, but I have been known to stay away from certain pursuits (think golf) solely because I’m not any good at them. It’s not that I’m ashamed or embarrassed by it. I just don’t find it any fun.

But there’s no doubt losing can teach you a few things:

  • It can show you areas and skills you need to improve
  • It can steer you away from things you’re not good at, and toward things you are good at
  • It can remind you that you’re human – and that’s others are, too

The lesson I try to convey to my kids about winning is to celebrate, but be gracious about it. Don’t be arrogant, don’t talk trash, and don’t take success for granted. The difference between winning and losing is often one goal, and you can easily wind up on the other side of the equation.

Of course, winning feels better. I’m not denying that. But if you’re going to have a rich human experience,  prepare to lose. But maybe only once in a while. And not at Scrabble.

What have winning and losing taught you? Post your comments or send them to sarah@dayonebusinessservices.com – if I use them, I’ll feature  your business.

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Relaxing standards – how much is too much?

May 16, 2013 at 10:32 am · Filed under Little Leaguer, Squalling Infant, Surly Teen, Unruly Toddler ·Tagged , , , , ,

My mother is a sympathetic soul. When she sees me in the midst of my frenetic life, she often offers up this sage advice: “Maybe you should relax your standards a little.” Oh, if only she knew how far my standards have fallen!

For years I’ve told my kids, “You can be clean, clothed or fed – pick any two.”

As a high-achieving sort , I hit adulthood thinking I could accomplish anything I wanted. It was the 80′s after all – wasn’t that what we were told? I hit my first brick wall with a job that required 100% travel. Life on the road definitely limited my options. There were some weekends where I felt like all I did was unpack my suitcase, do my laundry, repack it again and leave for the airport.

It hasn’t improved over the years. I am now a self-employed mother of three with a husband who frequently travels for work. Talk about relaxing your standards! There are days I arrive at appointments and check to make sure I’m completely dressed before I go in. And days where I can’t even think about the evening activities in the morning – I operate with a view to about the next 20 minutes of my day.

Like many others, I’ve spent time exploring (the myth that is) life balance. And like many others, the challenge for me continues to be letting the little things go to focus on the big things. I’m somewhat coachable, so with the help of others, I’ve worked to identify my core values and in my personal life, I do adhere pretty well to those:

  • Exercise and take care of my health
  • Feed my family good, wholesome food 90% of the time (the other 10% of the time I look the other way while they eat a hot dog at the ballpark)
  • Experience things with my kids, even if it means a whole day at a museum in the midst of a project, or a two-week driving vacation neither my husband nor I really have time to take

Oh, and I’m big on sleep. I seldom burn the midnight oil.

It’s harder in my business. I complete client work, and get the little tasks out of the way but never seem to get to the big, important ones like  revising my website or upgrading my technology. It’s not that I’m avoiding the big tasks, it’s that the little tasks seem to be all I have time for. But I have gotten better about two things – saying no and asking for help, neither of which comes very naturally.

So here I am racing toward the end of another busy week. It’s a beautiful day, I have a ton of work to do, and my house is a mess. I need to cobble together something my family can eat for a dinner on the run, iron a shirt for a piano recital, reschedule a weekend appointment, perhaps tackle a few of the items on my endless to-do list. Which standards should I relax today?

Is life balance a myth? Post your comments or send them to sarah@dayonebusinessservices.com – if I use them, I’ll feature your business.

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Of laundry, and other things I won’t finish

May 13, 2013 at 10:21 am · Filed under Little Leaguer, Surly Teen ·Tagged , , , , , ,

Last week I attended an online nonfiction writers conference which was fabulous, but consumed a lot of time. Because I’m too antsy to sit for several days (and because I am perpetually behind on the laundry) I decided to multi-task. It seemed reasonable to me that in the course of three days I could sort, wash, fold and put away whatever laundry life threw at me while listening to the conference speakers and taking notes.

Turns out it wasn’t reasonable at all.

I washed sheets, towels, uniforms for two sports, dark clothes, light clothes and assorted socks and underwear. But at the end of three days I had laundry everywhere and I wasn’t close to “done”. And, of course, the uniforms were dirty again.

This is yet another example of how I set myself up for failure, by taking on more than I can accomplish in the time allowed. Or maybe I should say I set myself up for feelings of failure because who am I really measuring myself against, anyway?

To counter this, I’m trying out a new technique for sorting my tasks. I’m calling it Now-Later-Never.

Now tasks are pretty self-explanatory because they require immediate action – cleaning up cat vomit, taking a phone call from a key client, digging a dirty baseball sock out of the utility room 20 minutes before the game.

Later tasks are things I can put off for some amount of time without negative impact – scheduling routine appointments, filling out summer camp forms, outlining a presentation I’m not giving for two months. Admittedly, over time, some of these will become Now tasks.

Never tasks are my favorites. I just don’t do them at all because:

  • I miss the events or deadlines (so how important could they have been?)
  • The level of activity in my life ratchets up, so some things don’t seem as important anymore
  • Someone else can do them - provide dinner, empty the dishwasher, submit my business tax forms

It’s true that by subscribing to this method there are times when I’m doing only what is required to get by. For those you in start-up business mode, think minimum viable product. Not very ambitious, perhaps, but it gets me by.

And granted, this doesn’t always work with the laundry – I’ve only opted to throw clothes out instead of washing them a couple of times. I’ll spare you the details.

What’s the Never task on your list? Post your comments or send them to sarah@dayonebusinessservices.com – if I use them, I’ll feature your business.

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The cat crushed my homework – now what?

May 1, 2013 at 5:48 pm · Filed under Little Leaguer, Squalling Infant, Surly Teen, Unruly Toddler ·Tagged , , , ,

I’m a problem solver. As soon as I  confront an obstacle my brain instantly switches into “how can I fix this” mode. That’s why I panicked only briefly when my son and I heard an ominous crunch. It was the sound of our large, “traditionally built” cat extricating an elaborate book report – a 12-sided, three-dimensional figure – from a grocery bag, and then sitting on it.

It takes a long time and a lot of tape and glue to assemble a 12-sided figure. And wouldn’t you know, he was even set to turn it in on time! We were not able to return it to its original condition but we did pop out the dents and retape the corners. It’s not perfect but it will have to do.

When you’re faced with a business problem, your first reaction might also be panic – or pain, disappointment, despair, disgust…any number of wonderful emotions. But after the initial hit, ask yourself this:

  • Can I restore this to 100%?
  • If not, how close can I get?
  • What are my options for repairing this?
  • Are there any long-term ramifications?
  • If yes, can I lessen them or head them off?
  • Who can help? What do I ask them for?
  • What’s the worst-case scenario? And is it really that bad?
  • Will I care as much about this tomorrow as I care right now?

A natural proclivity toward problem-solving isn’t always a helpful thing. After all, there are some things you can’t fix – but you sure can expend a lot of energy trying. If something is truly unrecoverable it’s best to remember one phrase. Repeat after me: “I will cut my losses and move on.” It’s not perfect, but it will have to do.

What’s the best “fix” you ever came up with? Post your comments or send them to sarah@dayonebusinessservices.com – if I use them, I’ll feature your business.

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One sad-looking inventory – a late-winter’s lament

April 19, 2013 at 8:12 am · Filed under Little Leaguer, Surly Teen ·Tagged , , , , ,

Well, it snowed again. I certainly hope winter has gasped its last because we have been reduced to the most pathetic collection of winter outerwear I have ever seen. Winter was long and hard, and my boys’ poor cold-weather garments have paid the price:

  • Gloves: Only one glove is present and intact. 4 are ripped to shreds, 3 are missing, and there is one here I don’t recognize. (Anyone missing a glove?)
  • Down vests: 1 here, 1 missing – no one seems to know how or when it disappeared.
  • Jackets: 2, both with broken zippers.
  • Hats: 2 lost, 4 that no one is willing to wear, and 1 with a hole in the top.
  • Snow pants: 2, both ragged around the edges and worn in the knees.
  • Boots: Wow, look at that – 2 good pairs. Too bad they won’t fit next year.

If you are building a mental image in your head right now you probably see two boys, one nine, one ten, in gaping coats. One is hatless; the other’s hair protrudes through the top of his hat. Their gloves and snow pants are ragged. There is 6″ of new snow on the ground. They look like twin versions of Oliver Twist. Yeah, that sounds about right.

(At least my daughter’s winter-wear is still in perfect condition, but that’s only because it has been stuffed in her locker, unworn, since November. It’ll be a bummer to cart all that stuff home on an 85 degree bus a month from now.)

I’m too exhausted by the weather (and the shoveling) to go through the principles of good inventory management – I’ll save it for my next post. But for now, take a good look at what you’ve got. Does it still “fit”? Is it in reasonable condition or is it looking a little worn? Would anyone else want it? Are there any gaping holes?

It’s too late this year to save our winter wardrobes. Until spring arrives for good, I’ll continue to stop by school to rifle through the lost-and-found in the vain hope I’ll find something I recognize. But I won’t fret too much. In no time at all it will be summer and that means one thing – “back-to-school” sales. I guess I can pick up a few things then.

Want to gripe about your winter (or gloat over your spring)? Post your comments or send them to sarah@dayonebusinessservices.com – if I use them I’ll feature your business.

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When broccoli isn’t broccoli (and better ways to manage perception)

April 9, 2013 at 10:32 pm · Filed under Little Leaguer, Surly Teen, Unruly Toddler ·Tagged , , , , , , ,

As I continue my campaign for Mom of the Year, I thought I’d recount a conversation I had recently with my son who was trying broccoli slaw for the first time.

Son: “This stuff is really good. What is it?”

Me: “What if I told you it was broccoli?”

Son: “Then I wouldn’t eat it.”

Me: “It’s cabbage.”

A lie? Yes, it certainly is. But I prefer to think of it as managing perception.

I don’t really condone the telling of untruths to counteract a negative message, but I do advise my clients to control the message, or “manage perception, ” when possible. After all, if you don’t manage it, other people will. Here are some of the things  you should do when you have to communicate something negative:

  • Despite my example, always tell what you know to be true. Don’t deliberately try to mislead. People will see through it. While my kid may not want to admit he’s eating broccoli, I’m pretty sure he knows.
  • Tell those who are affected how the situation will impact them, how you’re going to correct it, and when.
  • Don’t speculate on the outcome if you don’t know what the results will be. Wait until you know, then relay it.
  • Don’t over-communicate. People really don’t care about the details. They just want to know how they’re affected and what you’re going to do about it.

And finally, do not under any circumstances blame someone else. Own the situation, whatever it is - your clients will respect you for it.

How have you handled a sticky situation with your kids or your business? Post your comments or send them to sarah@dayonebusinessservices.com – if I use them, I’ll feature your business.

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How do you measure change?

March 13, 2013 at 2:03 pm · Filed under Little Leaguer, Surly Teen ·Tagged , , , ,

Here’s how I keep track of the seasons:

  • Fall – beach bag comes out of the back of the van
  • Winter – ski bags go in the van
  • Early spring – ski gear comes out of the van; lacrosse gear goes in the van
  • Late spring – baseball gear is piled on top of the lacrosse gear
  • Early summer – lacrosse gear comes out; beach bag goes in…

And so the seasons pass. We’re in the midst of lacrosse right now which means I measure the weeks by games, practices, and when I need to have all the gear washed and ready for its next defilement. If I didn’t keep track, I wouldn’t know where I was most of the time.

In your business, you need  reminders to track how you’re playing the game that is change. Like a  parent carpool, change starts with knowing where you are, where you want to go, and when you need to be there. My suggestions for keeping yourself sane?

  1. Get a seat with a good view. In lacrosse, particularly, it’s the only way I have a hope of knowing what’s going on. Get a set of data – numbers and facts – that represent where you’re starting, that is, what your business situation is right now. Make sure they will be easily and regularly accessible.
  2. Keep your eye on the goal. Have a clear vision of where you want to be. Share it with those who will be participating with you so you’re all working toward the same outcome.
  3. Watch the score. You don’t want to get to the end of the game and realize you were behind the whole time. Periodically measure yourself against the data you gathered in step 1 to see if you’re making progress. If you’re not, find out why not and change your gameplan.
  4. Move at the proper pace. OK, I’m mixing my analogies here, but you wouldn’t ask a kid to go down a ski hill that is clearly too steep. Their inability to control their movement  as they pick up speed could be a disaster. Same in business – move too fast and your vulnerabilities may become liabilities.

And finally, make sure others who will feel the impact of change have the tools and skills they need to foster your success and theirs. You wouldn’t ask your growing kids to play in last year’s gear, would you? (At least not for very long.)

What’s the hardest thing about change?  Post your comments or send them to sarah@dayonebusinessservices.com – if I use them, I’ll feature your business.

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