“It’s great,” I say when asked, “It’s easier than dragging my stuff back and forth and I can throw in the occasional load of laundry.”
But the truth is, there are days it is anything but great. To get me and other work-at-home parents through the summer, I am issuing the following personnel policies:
Scheduling is to be determined strictly by me with consideration of meetings, work assignments, sports activities, medical and orthodontic appointments, lessons, camps, workshops and haircuts. Requests for a modification to the schedule must be submitted for approval in a timely fashion especially if it involves my driving you somewhere.
Standards of Conduct
Our brand is important to us, therefore it is critical to maintain a professional image at all times. That means you may not knock loudly on my office door, nor burst in yelling, “Mom, he hit me in the (privates),” when I am on the phone with a client.
Use of Company Assets
Do not borrow my tape, stapler or scissors, and do not use my good laser printer paper to make scavenger hunt maps, “flames” for your make-believe campfire, or drawings of elaborate military installations. That is what the giant box of scrap paper is for.
Use of Facilities
Please clean up after using the lunch facilities, including washing your dishes, cleaning the microwave, and replacing all food items including milk, mayo, yogurt, and cottage cheese, or anything else that might give the rest of us food poisoning if left out. Toilets are to be flushed and towels hung up after each use. Keep the floors clear of clutter by stowing Legos, dirty laundry, books, and shoes in their proper location.
Use of video screens including mobile devices, phones and televisions will be limited to two hours per day (I mean it!). Use of my wi-if hot spot is strictly prohibited – violators will be subject to disciplinary action up to and including having to pay the overage fees on my cell phone bill.
Security and Safety Guidelines
Keep walkways and stairways free of clutter. Do not leave doors unlocked and/or wide open when you leave home. Do not insert a knife or other metal object into the toaster; also do not stand idly by while your friend sticks a metal object in the toaster. Wear adequate sun protection at all times. Management is not responsible for sunburns, sun rashes, and/or peeling skin. Immediately report any evidence of smoke, blood, or standing water to the management.
Personnel shall exit pajamas and put on regular clothing before the hour of 10:00 a.m. Those leaving home should ensure their heads, behinds, feet and bra straps are adequately covered for the activity at hand. “It’s in the dirty laundry” is not an accepted excuse for inadequate dress.
Making derogatory statements, yelling and issuing threats are strictly prohibited unless they are a component of an action visited upon you by me. Fighting is grounds for immediate termination.
What did I miss?