If your co-workers sounded like kids

Listening to the bicker-fest at my house this morning made me think of what the day would be like if adults interacted with each other the way kids do. Can you imagine your workplace sounding something like this?

The excuse: It’s not my fault I yelled at that customer. He yelled at me first!

The gentle hint, part I: Not to be rude or anything, but that sweater you’re wearing? Uh, yeah.

The gentle hint, part II: Hello! Could you not talk to your proctologist on your cell phone while I’m in the next cubicle?

IMG_0351The suggestion: You took the last of the coffee and didn’t make another pot? What’s wrong with you?

The denial: I did not take the last of the coffee! I haven’t had any coffee in at least two weeks!

The refusal: I’m not updating the forecast – I did it last time.

The gracious response to feedback: You’ve been keeping track of my workplace performance? Isn’t that sort of stalker-ish?

The gracious response to lunch brought in: Are we having pizza again? Can’t we ever have something I like?

The rationalization: Seriously, what’s your problem? So there was a mistake in the budget – it was just a few thousand dollars.

The compliment: That report you wrote actually wasn’t too boring.

The objection: I don’t want to go to another staff meeting! I hate it here!

For your sake, I’m hoping this doesn’t sound too familiar. Wouldn’t want you crying into your cold, weak office coffee. Oh, and not to be rude or anything? But shouldn’t you be working instead of sitting on the internet?

What’s your least-favorite kid-speak (or work-speak?)