My husband went to Canada and all I got was…

My husband has gifted me with the ugliest piece of logo wear ever. Not only is it mucus green and made of a fabric that threatens the endangered petrol species, it is a vest. A VEST people!

Logos obscured to protect the innocent

Logos obscured to protect the innocent

Did I mention it is also a men’s size large? That’s right – he thinks I am a large, colorblind man with no fashion sense. Its claim to fame is that it has a logo from the Vancouver winter Olympic Games (wasn’t that four years ago?) My only consolation is that he didn’t pay anything for it so I don’t feel a need to don it out of guilt.

My husband is not completely lacking in taste. He has a good eye for jewelry, and he’s always the best-dressed man in any meeting he’s in. But when it comes to selecting clothing for me, I have to wonder – is it that his overwhelming love leads him to think I’ll be beautiful in anything I wear? Or is it that he has not glanced my way in a few years?

You see, there have been others. An XXL women’s swim cover-up he bought when we were vacationing in Florida. (I’m a non-statuesque size 4. The armholes reached all the way to my waist.) And the size large boys’ ski pants he picked out for me, forgetting that adolescent boys don’t have hips. I, however, do *cough, cough*. I couldn’t pull them up over my thighs.

Then there was a pair of fleece pajamas that were very comfortable – that is, until I wore them to bed, my body temperature soared to a thousand degrees and I woke drenched with sweat from a dream of being in a hot tub with an extremely unfortunate collection of B-list celebrities. No woman over 40 should wear fleece to bed.

Not all the clothing he’s bought me has completely missed the mark. There was a fleece jacket that was sort of nice. I wore it quite a bit until my teenage daughter borrowed it and stuffed it into her gym locker for the rest of eternity. Come to think of it, there was another fleece jacket that was OK too. There must be something about recycled pop bottles that makes him think of me. Or perhaps he thinks to himself, “I’ll give the gift of fleece. You can never go wrong with fleece.”

It occurs to me that if I wore all this clothing at once I’d look like someone from a bad reality TV show. But even I have too much self-respect for that. Not so much self-respect, however, that I could resist posting a picture of the vest. You’ll notice I’m not in it.

Worst gift you ever got? I’m sure someone can top this. Or you can read my next post and find out how I almost got a whole team of sled dogs for my birthday…

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23 thoughts on “My husband went to Canada and all I got was…

  1. Love this! Really enjoyed reading! To tell you the truth, it was not really your husband fault… it`s a bit different here… 🙂 xoxo Sylvie – From Canada. 😀

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    • I blame the corporations that decide their employees should wear this stuff. No vests! As a marketing director, I also staged an unsuccessful attempt to stamp out polo shirts on women. Thanks for reading!

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    • The worst two gifts, although I am certain there are others, is the boomerang I received for one birthday. It was slightly understandable as my husband discovered that while away he would return on my birthday. Clearly he panicked. And a close second is the “smurf blue” (yes, I had honestly never seen that colour of blue other except on the epidermis of a smurf) shoes that pointed and curled at the tip. Think Alladin. Sadly I have found no occasion to wear them to just yet…Xceleste

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  2. lol! once my husband got me a jewelry box with what I thought were diamond earrings. He said..”oh don’t get excited, their fake.” Should have ran for the hills then….:)

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    • A wise man. I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on my husband. It would be easy to assume I have no taste since I spend most of my time in yoga pants and sweatshirts that are older than my teenage daughter.

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  3. Haha! My husband once brought me back a child’s shirt. He seemed baffled when I couldn’t fit into it. I’m flattered that he thought I was that small but…yeah…I need a bigger size, dude.

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  4. I have just learned the hard lesson of wearing fleece pjs and bring over 40. Add to that, I got fleece sheets as a Christmas present. It’s a conspiracy, I’m sure. 😉

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  5. I love worst gift ever stories! My husband knows better than to try to buy me clothing, I’m built weird and even I have a hard time find good clothes for me. He leaves the clothing shopping to me. The worst gift I ever received was a decorative cat (because everyone still thinks I collect cats…which was my childhood obsession but something I haven’t done for 15 years or more). This cat had a plastic head and felt arms stuck on top of a giant cone. Then you could change it’s clothes every season. Not only was it hideous, it’s something that maybe, possibly is a huge stretch, but just maybe my 90 year old grandmother would enjoy, but even then, I doubt it.

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  6. That is hilarious!! I had a similar thing happen to me. My husband went to Australia (AUSTRALIA!!) for two weeks and all he brought back for me was a sock hat. Not even one with a kangaroo on it. I’ve seen identical sock hats at every clothing store in town!! 🙂

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