We all know there are certain natural laws you cannot defy – gravity, for instance, alas. The laws of housework are no exception. You can try, but it’s likely to leave you sobbing in a pile of crumbs and dirty socks.
There may be others, but here are those I know.
Immutable Laws of Housework
- As soon as you finish cleaning the kitchen, someone will come in to make a sandwich.
- For every item of laundry you wash, there will be an equal and opposite piece of dirty clothing deposited on the floor of the utility room.
- The one item of laundry your child needs for the day will be the one you didn’t wash.
- The amount of time you have to run an errand is directly proportional to how much gas is in your tank.
- The crucial item on your grocery list will be the one you forget.
- Your actual grocery bill will be greater than or equal to 125% of the cost of the items on your list.
- A damp towel at rest will stay at rest until someone claims it, which is never.
- No more than 80% of any given family will like what you’re serving for dinner.
- The younger you are, the more cleaning product you will consume on a given household task, and the amount of cleaning product you consume is inversely proportional to how clean you get the actual surface.
Of course, housework is the ultimate Sisyphean task, only the mountain is laundry and the rock is the one you want to knock against your head repeatedly until you no longer see the dirty dishes in the sink.
And since I can’t avoid it, I’m picking up a new mantra: “Housework is a great way to start the week. And end the week. And fill those days in the middle, too.”
OK, what did I miss?