#1: Why I hate Halloween

holiday matrixIt’s not hard to figure out why this particular Sad and Desperate search term hit my site since I wrote a post titled Why I hate Halloween. That post, however, dealt with the specific and heinous practice of employees wearing costumes to work, a “tradition” I abhor. Dear reader, there are plenty of other reasons to dislike Halloween!

It destroys perfectly good linens. I don’t know about you, but I prefer not to lay my head on a pillowcase that has been dragged through every lawn in our neighborhood.

It’s heck on those costly braces. Chewy candy is bad. Bad, bad, bad. But how can one resist a whole pillowcase full of it?

It kicks off the holiday eating season, that depressing time of year when you watch the numbers on the scale go up while your energy and enthusiasm go down. (Although in my family, the holiday eating season kicks off even earlier with the celebration of Canadian Thanksgiving, not because we are Canadian, but to accommodate other family commitments, iffy November weather, and one family’s annual November 1 departure to Florida.)

The acceptable age to “trick-or-treat” seems to be going up, and the older the trick-or-treater, the less effort goes into the costume. I expect any year now to be opening the door to a bunch of college students dressed as, well, college students.

Over the years, I have found only one thing to like about Halloween – the neighbor one block over who hands out beer to the adults in the party. Thank you, dear friend.


A disclaimer: While it perhaps shouldn’t need saying, let me remind you that I have no credentials, training or certifications of any kind that would qualify me to mete out advice to anyone. This is a humor blog. If you don’t find it funny, well, that’s another issue.

11 thoughts on “#1: Why I hate Halloween

  1. Love the disclaimer. Oh…and I don’t hate Halloween, but I’m rather indifferent. I do HATE carving pumpkins though…I haven’t done that in a couple of years, and still feel mother guilt about it. Sigh.


  2. This year we had three little pumpkins given to us, by my aunt. Nobody suggested carving them so I didn’t say anything… Halloween came and went. They dressed up. They went trick or treating in the rain (with their dad, score!!!) And 3 uncarved pumpkins sat on our porch next to a giant stuffed spider…


  3. Neighbors who hand out beer is awesome. I had a two trick-or-treaters this year who were wearing masks, but I’m almost sure they were full grown (albeit somewhat short) grown ups. I gave them candy anyway, but I don’t like tricks.


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