#5: Company Christmas party on Christmas Eve

holiday matrix

Or, 10 excuses to get you out of the annual office holiday party.

When I wrote my satirical holiday series last year, I never imagined there were actually employers cruel enough to schedule the annual office party on Christmas Eve. However, the blighted individual behind today’s sad and desperate search term seems to work for Ebenezer Scrooge himself.

While I may be too late to save this poor soul, here are a few excuses to get you out of that lousy, last-minute need to feign office goodwill.

I’m sorry, I can’t attend this year because…

  1. I have a delivery to pick up in Whoville.
  2. It takes me hours to position my elf on the shelf.
  3. I think I’m coming down with the flu, and wouldn’t dream of disrupting the blessed holiday events of my beloved coworkers.
  4. I have to assemble a 1000-piece wooden, Victorian dollhouse, and a bicycle this evening.
  5. I still have Christmas shopping to do.
  6. I’m trying to make the last post office pick-up time before the holidays.
  7. If I don’t get to the grocery store, we’ll be having spaghetti and meatballs for Christmas dinner.
  8. I have to thaw a turkey.
  9. I hit the Christmas prune strudel a little early and must stay near the facilities.
  10. I need to pick up my items for Valentine’s Day before the stores are sold out.

I hope one of these will suit you. If not, and you’re in the holiday spirit, please share your no-fail excuse for skipping the office party in the comments. Consider it your selfless gift to mankind.

Read the holiday series

Read the original series

A disclaimer: While it perhaps shouldn’t need saying, let me remind you that I have no credentials, training or certifications of any kind that would qualify me to mete out advice to anyone. This is a humor blog. If you don’t find it funny, well, that’s another issue.

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