Tag: Family

If I woke up in a parallel universe

Because I have a million things to do, I’ve been daydreaming about what it would be like to wake up in a parallel universe, where everything was the same but not quite. Here’s what I hope it would look like:

  • All the clothes in my household would be clean, folded and put away.
  • Projects would never be put “on hold”.
  • Clients would pay on time. Some would even pay early just because.
  • There’d be no need for low-rise jeans.
  • Cats would clean their own litter boxes,
  • …and take themselves to the vet,
  • …and pay the vet.
  • I would not have real-time, online access to my kids’ grades.
  • No one would ever forget a musical instrument at home.
  • No one would ever forget a musical instrument at school,
  • …or on the bus. Or at the bus stop.
  • The motion detector light in the backyard would go on when I step outside,
  • …and would not go on every time the mouse who lives under the deck runs across it.
  • No one would ever, EVER ask, “What’s for dinner?”
  • Wine would not have so many calories.
  • Gray hair would be sexy.
  • Weather forecasters would not be so gleeful about reporting bad weather.
  • Black would be the new black.
  • We’d have a fabulous Mexican restaurant right down the street.

It doesn’t seem like much of a stretch, but oh, what a different world it would be.

A Shakespearean appliance warning

Note: I “borrowed” this refrigerator story from my brother, so I anticipate some pretty tense holiday dinners in my future.

My recent post about my near-miss with a refrigerator magnet reminded me of this story.

During his college days, after a particularly rough night, my brother and his friends were lounging around a dorm room. One of them, for reasons that only made sense at the time, was lying on his back with his head in a dorm-sized refrigerator. You know the type – a small, white cube that in my day housed mostly generic diet cola and nail polish.

As he lay there, he noticed a warning label that you could only see if you were, in fact, lying on your back with your head in the refrigerator. It read:

Caution: When defrosting the refrigerator, use neither knife nor gimlet.

…raising the questions:

  1. What is a gimlet?
  2. By the time you spot the warning in its obscure location have you already used the gimlet?
  3. What happens if you use the gimlet? And is it worse than exploding a magnet?

Still, I think this might be my favorite warning ever, and it was highly suitable for the students of that particular, elite liberal arts college (even if they did misuse appliances.)

A family in haiku

For Suzie81’s weekly word challenge on the word Family – a haiku for each of my dear ones.

image

Husband
For all my asking
Through our years together you
Still use my towel

Daughter
A beautiful girl
If only I could see you
Through that pile of clothes

Boy One
Early bird rises
And as he does every day
Fails to feed the cats

Boy Two
Youngest, at table
Molecule by molecule
Consumes his dinner

And that is all.