Silly me, I don’t know from desperate

emoticonWhen I wrote my latest installment of Search Terms of the Sad and Desperate, I was unaware that the phrase “gym class was never like this” referred to the title of a porn video. Silly me. I didn’t know just how much desperation there was out there.

I noticed this after a suspicious bump in traffic, much of it generated BY THAT EXACT SAME SEARCH PHRASE. Despite my naivety, even I have the powers of deductive reasoning to figure that one out.

(OK, I know about half of you reading are now in the process of searching “gym class was never like this.” I hope you’ll come back to finish the post when you’re done, and are not lost to me forever.)

I was slightly panicked, until I sought the counsel of my husband, who suggested that from now on the titles of all my posts ought to be the titles of porn videos, and the sage advice of my blogging tribe who suggested I relax and enjoy the extra traffic (even though….ewwww!)

But I still felt an explanation was due. Whew, got that off my chest.

I briefly considered searching the titles of all my posts from now on to make sure this doesn’t happen again, but I think that could seriously constrain my creative process. (Ha, ha, my creative process, snort!) Or at least send me into a paralysis from which it will be hard to recover.

Ignorance is bliss, folks.

Read the series:

Anxiety dreams involving my kids

How do I talk to my surly teen?

I have only one child but laundry and housework never end

Life is not a competition

How to relax and enjoy your children

And of course, the infamous Gym class was never like this

#6: Gym class was never like this

desertUsually, in my installments of Search Terms of the Sad and Desperate I offer advice to visitors whose search terms hit my blog. But I’m not sure the originator of today’s topic, “Gym class was never like this” is seeking advice. I think he or she is just making a statement to the world.

But I’m intrigued. Is this someone who loved gym class and wishes that all life was like gym class? Or is this someone who huddled in a corner of the gym hoping no one would notice? In my experience, there is no in-between.

I’m picturing someone in a cube at the office, feeling either hateful or joyful, making a comparison to a past in the gym.

Here’s what I think might have been going through this person’s head if they hated gym class and love their job:

Gym class was never like this because…

  • …we didn’t get to eat during it.
  • …it made us sweat while right now I am basking in a frigid blast from the AC.
  • …I never get picked last here.
  • …at work we don’t have to swim and then go directly to a meeting.
  • …I can sit in the same chair all day if I want to.
  • …my boss is not a sadist.

But if this person loved gym class and hates their job, they might be thinking:

Gym class was never like this because…

  • …we don’t get to “accidentally” hit each other with field hockey sticks here.
  • …humiliation of others was tolerated, and sometimes openly encouraged.
  • …I was always picked first.
  • …those who violated the rules got a foul or better yet, got kicked out of class.
  • …now, I have to sit in the same chair all day.
  • …the gym teacher was not a sadist.

How about you? Did you hate gym class? Love it? How would you finish this sentence? I am dying to know.

Read the series:

Anxiety dreams involving my kids 

How do I talk to my surly teen? 

I have only one child but laundry and housework never end

Life is not a competition

How to relax and enjoy your children

 

A disclaimer: While it perhaps shouldn’t need saying, let me remind you that I have no credentials, training or certifications of any kind that would qualify me to mete out advice to anyone. This is a humor blog. If you don’t find it funny, well, that’s another issue.