As I write my annual, snarky Christmas letter, I’m revisiting some highlights of past years. From my heart to yours. With apologies.

Mild Weather Disrupts Winter Activities

The only thing Minnesotans complain about more than a harsh winter is a mild winter. While global warming has definitely benefited those of us in the frozen north with milder temperatures, earlier springs, and warmer falls, there is a downside.

Ski Season

Warm temperatures and a lack of snow present a conflict for those families enrolled in ski school. After skipping a few weekends, the Days decided that navigating rocks and patches of grass was preferable to wasting the exorbitant (and nonrefundable) ski school enrollment fees. Fortunately, only minor injuries resulted.

Winter Recreation Camp

The boys spent two days at an overnight winter recreation camp despite the lack of even a single flake of snow. They reported that the highlight of camp was tobogganing down the inside of a huge (and fortunately empty) sewer pipe. Oh, and baking cookies, a classic Minnesota winter activity.

Important Economic Categories

Tragically, as reported in the January 20th edition of the local newspaper, the ice wine season was officially cancelled due to a lack of ice-generating temperatures. Not addressed: The question “What is ice wine?”

A Snapshot from March

• 4 lacrosse games
• 9 lacrosse practices
• 11 dance classes
• 2 dance competitions
• 4 baseball clinics
• 4 piano lessons
• 4 chess club meetings
• 4 birthday parties
• 8 swim lessons
• 5 school events
• 3 school conferences
• 3 round-trips to the airport
• 2 trips to the orthodontist
• 1 opera

And finally to end the month…one well-deserved vacation!

Tomorrow, excerpts from 2013…

Read other years:

2007

2008

2009

2010

2011

As I write my annual, snarky Christmas letter, I’m revisiting some highlights of past years. From my heart to yours. With apologies.

Sporting the latest in orthopedic resort wear

How They Spent the Year

Sarah – Rehabbing a knee she severely sprained by following her hot-dogging husband down an icy black diamond ski run, an injury incurred three days before the Days’ first kid-free vacation trip in a decade.

Mr. Day – Flying to and from Detroit for meetings with auto companies, proving that the economic stimulus funds benefited at least one family.

Child #1 – Begging for a phone during the first half of the year, and on the phone for the second half of the year.

Child #2 – Memorizing every Calvin and Hobbes cartoon ever written.

Child #3 – Trying to hit the B flat while playing the Star Spangled Banner on the piano.

Other Sweet Memories…

• January – The Days ignore ice dams on the roof that are causing water to drip through the recessed lights in the kitchen.
• March – Child #2 climbs (and then falls out of) a tree while wearing boots and snow pants.
• April – First little league game of the season snowed out. Second little league game of the season snowed out.
• May – Child #1 comes up early in the rotation at his first ever piano recital. No one from the family is there to see it.
• June – Child #2 hits the first triple of his baseball career. No one from the family is there to see it.
• November – Sarah shows off the new roof, gutters and soffits announcing, “Look up kids, there’s our new car!”
• December – Sarah adjusts to working out with a personal trainer young enough to be her son.

Tomorrow, excerpts from 2012…

Read other years:

2007

2008

2009

2010

As I write my annual, snarky Christmas letter, I’m revisiting some highlights of past years. From my heart to yours. With apologies.

Feigning enthusiasm at Carhenge

A Family Portrait

Child #3, age 6. When not playing the piano, he can be found playing football in the hallway with his brother. This week’s football highlights: Knocking out both top front teeth and a bloody nose. He is currently on injured reserve.

Child #2, age 8. When not pulverizing his brother while playing football, he can be found watching football, reading about football, or thinking about football. Unless he’s playing baseball or skiing. Fined $25,000 this week for unnecessary roughness.

Child #1, age 11. She can be found engaging in typical pre-teen activity like emailing the same friend 18 times a day and begging for a phone. She also dances, plays the clarinet, and skis as far away from her brothers as possible.

Mr. Day, pushing middle age. Cannot be found. It is believed he is flying back and forth between New York and San Francisco in a last minute attempt to retain his Delta Airlines platinum status.

Sarah, ageless, like in The Picture of Dorian Gray. Can be found either in yoga class trying unsuccessfully to breathe or in her home office trying unsuccessfully to multitask. Has taken to crafting limericks during periods of meditation.

Highlights from the Year

• January – Treated cats and kids for mange.
• February – Replaced stove and washer when they failed within 12 hours of each other.
• April – Freezer accidentally thawed; salmon, bacon, tomato sauce and strawberry rhubarb pies for a week.
• June – Faked intention to complete summer math workbooks.
• July – Forgot to schedule a birthday party for Child #2.
• August – Child #3 throws up in the saloon at Buckskin Joe’s Wild West World.
• November – Shovel first 12″ snowstorm of the year. Hurray!
• December – Shovel first 22″ snowstorm of  the year. Hurray!

Tomorrow, excerpts from 2011…

Read other years:

2007

2008

2009

2011

As I write my annual, snarky Christmas letter, I’m revisiting some highlights of past years. From my heart to yours. With apologies.

Two of Three Kids Master Ski Lift

The Days introduced the kids to skiing this spring in Idaho. Even Child #3 was able to participate in ski school. Miraculously, though he was age 3 at sea level, his age increased to 4 once the family reached higher elevations.

Unfortunately, after two days of skiing, Child #3 was still exiting the chair lift in a face-down position.

“Well, there’s always next year,” Sarah said blithely, brushing the snow out of his nostrils.

Fun Economic Facts 

Due to the the recent meltdown of the economy:

• The Days have delayed retirement to age 85
• Child #1 will have to work two jobs while in college
• Child #2 will attend community college
• Child #3 will attend McDonald’s Hamburger University
• The value of the Days’ stock portfolio is now roughly equivalent in value to a 1980 Volkswagen Vanagon

Birth Announcement

In a bow to rising gas prices, Mr. Day traded in his SUV for a subcompact named Bubbles. At birth, Bubbles weighed 2489 pounds and was 161.6″ long.

“You’d think I’d be buying a mid-life crisis car,” said Mr. Day, “But pride only goes so far at $4.00 a gallon.”

Tomorrow, excerpts from 2009…

Read other years:

2007

2009

2010

2011