Household Mysteries

IMG_0050Either one of my children has been channelling his inner Uri Geller using the power of the mind to transfigure spoons, or he is just bent on destruction. Sorry, bad pun.

And yes, I’m sure it’s a he. My daughter is devoted primarily to the destruction of electronic devices, also any overpriced clothing required for school activities.

I did not realize in my blissful, pre-child state how much damage children can cause. It’s a little like housing a troop of circus bears that have gotten into the fermented honey. They lurch around leaving debris and broken items in their wake. But they’re clever bears. They never admit to these petty crimes, nor will they turn on each other, a trait I’d admire if it weren’t counter to my best interest.

If I believed in such things as poltergeists and supernatural phenomena, I might be afraid. Very afraid. Much of this destruction could be interpreted as violent and threatening. Crushed iPhones. A rather large hole in my bedroom wall. Dirty footprints near the ceiling in the hallway. A hunting knife stuck in an oak tree in the yard. Were I a superstitious person, I’d be listening for the hushed, bodiless voice whispering, “GET OUT.”

But instead, I do what every parent does – persevere and repair the damage. Few of these crimes are heart-breaking, and little of the damage irreversible.

Although, come to think of it, when I glance at the pretty, little pine tree in our yard whose head was unceremoniously chopped off with a pruning shears I’m a little sad. That tree has decades of crooked, unsightly growth ahead of it and no foliage deserves that.

Feel free to vent – worst damage done to your home or property? And yes, damage to automobiles does count.

Refrigerators should come with THIS warning…

fridgeDanger…well, let me tell you the story first. It started with a fairly innocuous act: Reaching for the celery. The next thing I knew, I was dodging the shrapnel from an exploding magnet.

You see, when I tried to close the door it was stuck. On what, I wondered? No drawers open, nothing blocking the hinges. So I gave it a little tug and CRACK!

I blew apart a magnet. Actually blew it apart. My best guess is that someone (who will probably never be identified) placed a rather strong magnet on the edge of the door. When I opened the door, it attached itself to the wall of the refrigerator and held on for dear life. And when I tugged the door shut I think I created nuclear fission.

I don’t lament the loss of the magnet but the large dent in the refrigerator is a bummer. And it made for some interesting dinner time conversation: “Honey, I dented the refrigerator today.”

So here is the warning I propose:

Danger: Magnets may be extremely unstable. Use caution when affixing children’s artwork, schedules or school lunch menus to the refrigerator.

Or should the warning come with the magnet? I’m not thinking clearly. It’s possible I’ve had my poles reversed.