My recent experience chaperoning 80 junior high band students on a trip to Chicago makes me think there might be a future in this sort of thing. The chaperone is an integral part of a school trip. Without them teacher turnover would be much higher. (Picture the last time you took your kids to the zoo on a busy day. Now multiply that by 30. See what I mean?)
So I’m thinking I might be able to hire myself out as a professional chaperone. I will see the country, albeit bombarded by a dizzying chatter of trivial conversation, in a crowd where everyone is ignoring the sites in favor of taking selfies. I’ll bet there are those among you who’d pay me to go in your place.
But it doesn’t stop there. If your children participate in league sports, you are usually expected to work at the concession stand (or as my kids always called it, the confession stand), that shack full of sugared happiness that subsidizes your sport to an almost ridiculous degree. You can buy out your shift, but in our league that costs $150. Multiply that by a couple of kids and you’re into some coin. I figure I could charge a $100 to work your shift and you’d still come out ahead. I’m experienced, and I’m going to be at the ballpark anyway, so why not? I almost know how to work the popcorn machine so I might even be worth a premium.
So think about it – tired of those children’s museums full of sticky handprints and virus-covered surfaces? Seen the staged version of that classic children’s tale one too many times? Rather watch the game than sling lukewarm hot dogs? Terrified to climb aboard a bus with dozens of hormone-crazed teens?
This gun’s for hire – at an activity near you.